Thursday, August 31, 2006

The frustrations which bring self loathing

So yesterday was possibly the worst I've ever felt. Let me first say is
now I really need this job more than anything. In saying that lets chat.
I had the DPS watching me yesterday which is one of many to come. I knew
nothing of her watching me but she came over as soon as I sent someone
away because they didn't have a place for a sticker on their cycle. So
she assumed that I gave him a sticker without a brake test. Anywho she
monitored me as I gave another inspection. Everything went superb except
when it came to the brake test. I know its partially my fault. I wasnlt
using the line I was supposed to. I had never seen any. So all this time
I had been giving "illegal' stickers out. So the DPS woman leaves and I
get on with my life. She comes back an hour or so later and tells me to
sign some shit and she's like "did they call you?" and I tell her no.
She leaves once more and I know I'm in deep shit, so I'm dreading the
call from Dave (my boss). Finally he calls and it gets me frustrated.
First off he kinda told me it was definitely my fault, about I should
have had sense to find the lines and shit. I got a write up so the DPS
lady could take away my license and also I caused the whole company to
get a write up. I finally get off the phone and I'm still feeling like
shit. So Dave told me before I got off with him to call every end of day
to tell him my car count and shit. I call at the end of day and tell him
all my information. Then I'm in trouble again, I should have rejected
cars because apparently it looks funny passing all the cars and secondly
I didn't sell anything. The whole not selling shit is my choice because
I don't know how to change a lightbulb or wipers. The whole not
rejecting someone is a whole different problem. I should have rejected 3
cars yesterday for their power steering fluid being low and the gascaps
being bad. Well here at the station most pay $15, 12.50 is for the
inspection and 2.50 is for fluid top offs free gascaps and shit. So I'm
left here to ponder how I'm supposed to fail someone who doesn't have
enough power steering fluid or a broken gascap when they paid the 2.50
extra to receive these items. Its stupid shit. So Dave is supposed to
come today and I know this shit isn't over. I don't know this job has me
thinking about things. I want to do something with my life. Maybe I
should go back to college but then I don't have any cash. I think I'm
definetely going to talk to the recruiter on friday.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

A green room with a monkey

So last night I had this wierd ass dream but it got so interesting that I continued to sleep just to see where it went. I guess it mostly fascinates me because I usually don't dream and to have a dream so elaborate is queer.

I arrived at a hotel that seemed to be located in the middle of nowhere next to a river. On the outside you see many people about my age celebrating what seemed to be spring break. I go to the river and end up at where it runs shallow and I step in. I immediately see an alligator so I get out and in turn it goes in. I begin to throw rocks at it but then I imagine that it might be getting frustrated and that it might then attack me. So I'm back at the hotel and Arturo is showing me around. The lobby is filled with elderly people which is odd since everyone else outside is so young. They are all dressed differently, some in yacht clothes, others in 40's-esque outfits with long cigarettes and crazy hats and most carrying a martini. They seemed to be having the time of their life.

Somehow the hotel ends up being Arturo's house. Me and him are walking around it and I'm amazed how large it is. The house is kind of dark the walls and floors are all wood and its the decor of a hunting lodge animals and drapes are hung on the wall. We go to a door and Arturo walks in and tells me to wait outside and to not make a sound. He walks out leaving the door cracked a bit and pulls me along the hallyways. We hurry to a room that is up a flight and a woman is standing behind the counter. He tells me that we are hiding. He asks me if I remember the green room with the monkey in it which was the room we last visited and I say yes. He tells me that the reason he showed me this was because he didn't want me to ever wonder what was inside. In reality that was his fathers room and that's why we were hiding his father was on the prowl. We end up leaving this room to follow another hallway and we rush past a door which is cracked slightly and it slams closed, once again the green room with a monkey.

I wake up in bed with Arturo next to me. I look around and its my parents room we are in. I don't worry because I know that they aren't anywhere near. I go accross the hallway and I find my sisters room though one wall of the room is a window overlooking downtown San Antonio. I realize that we are staying/living in the Marriot hotel. My sister walks into her room and tells me that we have to clean the windows outside and I suddenly notice a large blue banner hanging outside. She steps out and I realize that the ledge is way way to small. She makes it to the edge of the blue banner and the ledge has somewhow grown much wider than it originally was. We tie the banner back and clean the windows.

At some point we have to get out of the hotel. I know something bad was happening because I felt scared. It had something to once again do with the green room with a monkey in it and who was in it. He wanted us out.

I am at another house now, well actually walking to another one. IT's a classic southern plantation house, white with a rap-around porch along with a porch swing. Huge pecan trees guard it. I walk in searching for Arturo and walk from room to room. Suddenly someone enters through another door and I'm scared. I know shes looking for me, so I crawl from room to room hiding and she continues searching. After what seems like an hour she gives up and goes up stairs. There's a girl I know somehow, and I escape out a door which shouldn't even be there.

That's all I can remember. I do remember there was something to do with me going to a store that was like Wal-mart. And also a man in the plantation house, me having a conversation with him and smoking a cigarette.

Friday, August 11, 2006

It's been a while has it not? I feel tonite that it's time to update on a certain subject. If the boyfriend seems to deem fit the annoyance to him of my only really watching cartoons on television rather than concerning my attentions on news or more age appropriate materials.
Is it it strange that most likely 95% of my tv watching is taken up by cartoons? Maybe I feel that cartoons are more correct than any television show out there. You have actors who portray characters only so well, one cannot do such things as animation characters can achieve.